Tag Archive | Mondays

Blue Monday

bluemondayThose who came before me lived through their vocations

From the past until completion, they’ll turn away no more

And still I find it so hard to say what I need to say

But I’m quite sure that you’ll tell me just how I should feel today, “Blue Monday,” New Order

I had a rough day at work earlier this week.  It was overwhelming. It wasn’t so much the written work that I was having to do because I finished a huge project on Friday. It wasn’t decision-making because yesterday’s events didn’t require anything too difficult. I was short-staffed, down three key employees. It was the  level of need that I sensed or that was needed by parents and students. Credential programs never teach you about self-care, how to strike a healthy work-life balance, and how to handle the emotions that arise when families are sharing their needs and problems with you. Those lessons you learn from experiences or if you’re lucky, good mentors.

I have made a career out of being patient and professional no matter what challenges I’m facing. This has been especially true as an administrator. As a teacher, I often wore my heart on my sleeve.I can’t justify everything I did because it was often dependent on my mood; there were times I was self-involved and less focused on best serving my students and their families. As an administrator I have learned to be more thoughtful about my decisions and actions. The criticisms I received as a teacher,  specifically about my inability to hide how I really feel, were helpful as I transitioned into greater leadership roles. However, it has been inwardly challenging to be calm in many of the situations that I face. Embodying grace under pressure often means internalized pressure. So I broke down once I got home. Rambo and M comforted me with reassurance of their support and love.

I did make it to the gym that night. I had been tearful. By the time I walked into the gym I had pulled myself together. My coach gave us quite the workout. It was physically grueling. It was exactly what I needed to remind myself what I am capable of doing. When things get rough, I can push through them.  What is important is to keep moving and to breathe. As I do with most of my workouts, I lift all those weights in my life and from work. I crunch, step, swing, and power through each set. Though I am nowhere near my previous levels of strength and fitness, I got through the evening and felt better for it.

I told Rambo I wanted to quit my job. I have to take it one day at a time. I will rely on what won’t fail me. I am blessed to have my health, my commitment to myself, and the love of my family. As my running coach once told me, tough times don’t last but tough people do.

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Seeking a cure

Te das cuenta how quickly you can go from positive to negative? It happens in a matter of hours. Zas! For example, two weeks ago, I had a great weekend in terms of fitness. I went to outdoor boot camp with my gym, back to Zumba at 24 Hour Fitness, and then Sunday #sambachurch.  I got huge doses of natural endorphins while being around fun people. Then I braced myself to face yet another nightmarish Monday morning.   How did I go from positive energy back to the grind of negativity?  Maybe I’m afraid of the natural highs. They feel too good to be true. The negativity is predictable.

So last Monday morning, instead of jumping onto social media or checking emails, I held my daughter. M said, “You haven’t cuddled me in a long time.” This is not necessarily true; we’re big on affection. But her standards are clearly higher than mine. After I hit the snooze button, I went over and held and cuddled her. Porque darme por vencida? Nope, I decided to do things differently.

Why am I comfortable with the negative? Why do I gravitate towards the routine, mundane, the Mondays? I want Mondays to be good from the beginning. Monday evening has a positive connotation;  I attend boot camp and M goes to dance class with her team.  But Monday mornings is everyone’s least favorite time of the week. It’s unfortunate because we are kicking off the work week.

At samba class, our teacher asked that we shake off the previous week. I really shook it off, from my hands, off my ears, from my mouth (where it really needs to be gone). Then my teacher asked us to carry that into our work week. This is common practice for SambaFunk; we always look to be positive.  Samba Sundays have become the true beginning of the week.

I changed one Monday morning. What if I consistently make an effort to start Mondays differently?  What would my week and my day look like? I’m done accepting my case of the Mondays.  I’m hopeful for a complete cure.

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