Tag Archive | goals

Seeking a cure

Te das cuenta how quickly you can go from positive to negative? It happens in a matter of hours. Zas! For example, two weeks ago, I had a great weekend in terms of fitness. I went to outdoor boot camp with my gym, back to Zumba at 24 Hour Fitness, and then Sunday #sambachurch.  I got huge doses of natural endorphins while being around fun people. Then I braced myself to face yet another nightmarish Monday morning.   How did I go from positive energy back to the grind of negativity?  Maybe I’m afraid of the natural highs. They feel too good to be true. The negativity is predictable.

So last Monday morning, instead of jumping onto social media or checking emails, I held my daughter. M said, “You haven’t cuddled me in a long time.” This is not necessarily true; we’re big on affection. But her standards are clearly higher than mine. After I hit the snooze button, I went over and held and cuddled her. Porque darme por vencida? Nope, I decided to do things differently.

Why am I comfortable with the negative? Why do I gravitate towards the routine, mundane, the Mondays? I want Mondays to be good from the beginning. Monday evening has a positive connotation;  I attend boot camp and M goes to dance class with her team.  But Monday mornings is everyone’s least favorite time of the week. It’s unfortunate because we are kicking off the work week.

At samba class, our teacher asked that we shake off the previous week. I really shook it off, from my hands, off my ears, from my mouth (where it really needs to be gone). Then my teacher asked us to carry that into our work week. This is common practice for SambaFunk; we always look to be positive.  Samba Sundays have become the true beginning of the week.

I changed one Monday morning. What if I consistently make an effort to start Mondays differently?  What would my week and my day look like? I’m done accepting my case of the Mondays.  I’m hopeful for a complete cure.

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Office Space is a classic 

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Storm

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This #transformationtuesday was one of setbacks.  As I commuted through a rainstorm, I felt hopeless and helpless.  At work, I was in charge for the day while managing ongoing crises and beginning the annual round of state testing.  After having been horribly shrill with M for the second morning in a row, I cried as I drove through traffic over the East Bay hills.

Those moments of feeling completely overwhelmed make me question my plans and goals. I don’t know if I should pursue them. I don’t know if I’m ready for a bigger leadership role. I want to feel like I’m making a difference for the community I serve. But there are other goals that are closer to my heart. I want to write.   I want to be a good mom. I’m in the middle of the storm. I’m trying to seek the eye and maintain hope. It’s hard for me to believe I can move forward calmly, peacefully, and successfully; I don’t know that I have the strength.

I accept that I will experience these trying moments.  Like the day when I pictured myself sitting in the desert with the sun bearing down on me, I feel the rain pouring down on me. It makes me feel cold and unsure.  Entiendo que son cosas de la vida; knowing that doesn’t make those times any easier.