My choice

“The haters gonna hate, hate, hate…” Taylor Swift, “Shake It Off”
What would it be like to begin each day in anger?  What would it be like to step out of my car and feel my breath get shallow, my neck stiffen, my stomach seize,  and my jaw clench?  What would cross my mind as I enter a room full of people I can’t stand?  How would I address these people whom I fail to understand and respect?  I might rush away from them, to my own work space, to my daily duties, to the clients and their incessant complaints.  How would I make it through each second, each minute, each day, with my heart pounding away in rage?
I wouldn’t. I would drop dead.  If the physical toll didn’t force me to a doctor’s office, I would quit.  I once left my car in an apartment complex parking lot, took BART all the way from Berkeley to San Leandro, walked three miles to my mom’s house after 11 at night because I couldn’t take a tense, angry environment.  That’s me.  I truly cannot understand how it is physically and mentally possible to live that way.
Now has M said that I have moments in which I’m mad like Ren in that one episode of Ren and Stimpy?
Yes.  Am I sometimes enojona?
Yes. I’m human. I’m as overscheduled and overwhelmed as the next person. But am I constantly negative? Hell no. I’ve invested too many hours(and therefore lots of money)into redirecting my mind to a place of health and happiness. Nothing will move me back to that low place. Life is too precious.
As happens in life, I do cross paths daily with folks who struggle to see things the way I do. In fact, they criticize and reject me(if only behind closed doors.)
Now I may fantasize about going down several levels and reacting in anger.
But I won’t give them the satisfaction.  Instead, I breathe deeply. I smile. I speak my truth. I keep my goals in mind. When I get into the comfort of my vehicle at the end of a rough day, I listen to my favorite gospel singer. When I get home, I speak to my man and call or text my friends for advice. I send funny memes to others affected by these people. I hug my child. I pray for comfort. I pray for the strength to be kind.
“You can get with this,

or you can get with that,

 

I think you’ll get with this, for this is where it’s at”

 

Because as the Black Sheep once said, the choice is yours. I choose to move forward in love and joy.
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One thought on “My choice

  1. Pingback: 10 in 10 seconds | Mujer Evolving

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