I was going to volunteer to resign from my job today. Ever the noble martyr(it was deeper than that, folks, but my self-effacing sarcasm keeps me afloat), I would gracefully and tearfully turn away from my new home, from the possibility of new leadership opportunities, from my wonderful students who have embraced me. Imagine my shock and grief when I learned that a colleague had taken a position elsewhere, that , as I did exactly a year ago, she would move on to pursue personal and professional growth. Along with the rest of the group, I broke into tears. Tears of understanding, of loss, of empathy, of relief.
So what do I do when my mind is pushed off balance? I regress. I’m listening to soulful house music, courtesy of my longtime friend, The DJ. And I read the online writings of an old acquaintance, a voice from the wild past, a voice of dangerous instability(all his platitudes about being a “fixer” of broken people aside.)
My mind is spinning. Too bad I’m not at the Endup, with the disco balls and strobe lights, the shots of tequila, the cute boys hugging me and telling me, “girl, don’t trip off that bullshit. You got the cutest baby in the world and your life is good.”
My life is good. My mind, occasionally fragile. But all mine. Just like my job. And my soul.