Confessions of a closet golddigger: extended remix

“Go ahead, girl, go ‘head, get down.” Kanye West

(check my MySpace for the original version of this blog and Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx)

I recently posted Kanye’s latest video on my MySpace. I can just see the La Voz de Berkeley headline: Former militant feminista showcases hoochie video. While the video parodies pulp girlie magazine covers with the usual slew of professional booty shakers in lingerie, I find myself intrigued by the song. The beat works and Jamie Foxx channeling Ray Charles is definitely a nice hook. But my decision to choose the video as my signature was prompted by the ridiculous, sometimes offensive messages I have received. I wanted a video that might serve as a possible deterrent to the would be MySpace suitors. Like the bird flu, lack of common sense is a rampant epidemic.

This terrible outbreak brings to light recent cultural phenomena:

1. Older woman, younger man: Trendy doesn’t mean plausible for all. Demi and Ashton are millionaire movie stars. She’s had her kids and made her money. He’s found himself a hard-bodied beauty who won’t put him through drama. I’m no movie star but I’ll be damned if some boy tries to take advantage of my cash flow, my house, etc. I have worked too hard to be where I am in my career to let some pretty face make me lose my head.
I’m an educator. I’ve been dealing with 18-year-olds for quite some time and have never pulled a Mary Kay LeTourneau, much to the dismay of all those American Pie fans hoping to have a MILF experience.
Finally, I have enough trouble trying to understand men my age.

2. Open marriage: Trendy doesn’t mean accepted by all. Call me traditional, conservative, too darn Catholic. Marriage means fidelity and monogamy. Imagine my urge to vomit when a 39-year-old married white guy offered to take me out.

3. Drunk messaging: Whatever happened to the days of calling the operator to change your number because your stupid ex-boyfriend would call at 2am to say how miserable you were making him? Now folks can say all sorts of madness on email or on MySpace or in blogs while under the influence. My usually respectful former student sent me a slightly offensive message that made us both red in the face: me from anger, him from embarassment.

So what does “Golddigger” have to do with this? I don’t date for money. Lately, I don’t date at all. I don’t expect men to spend lots of money on me and bring me gifts. But I do have expectations. I simply want someone who’s got his life together: economically, intellectually, emotionally. A healthy relationship involves two whole persons, not two halves, not one and a quarter, not one and three-fourths.

I’ve done enough messing with “broke_______.”

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